Super Smash Brothers Roster Leak: Is Halo in Smash at last?

(Photo courtesy of Twitter user bigbongripperxcortanachief)

Super Smash Brothers, the fourth major release in the series, is seeing a launch on 3DS this Friday in Japan.  Thanks to cultural differences, yesterday was Friday in Japan, and that is why some lucky users are playing the game – and spoiling its content online for others!  While reports are still coming in as the day continues, here is what we can share so far-

Previously leaked pictures of the Duck Hunt Dog were not faked, and he has retained all of his famous catch phrases from the game.

Quarter-circle heavy punch is now REQUIRED to anti-air edge-guard into a final smash.

There are several new stages, including a “retro” F-Zero racing stage, as well as a stage inspired by Hotel Mario.

Pictured is the latest leak, which is still unconfirmed, which would identify Halo as the latest newcomer to Nintendo’s Smash Brothers series.  Several twitter users have confirmed that they have also found the character in the game.  One Japanese player had this to say: “(ﾉ´ヮ´)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧”, which when translated from Katakana text, is said to be slang for “I have personally confirmed this fact.”

More as it becomes available.

Report: Nintendo of America Responsible for Jennifer Lawrence Leaked Photos

(Photo Courtesy of Associated Press)

 

Early Sunday, the internet was set ablaze by a scandal the size of Watergate.  The popular actress Katniss Everdeen, along with several other actresses and notables, found themselves featured in several “leaked” nude and semi-nude photographs, which immediately went viral.  Some have come forward claiming that the photographs were leaked by an angry ex-boyfriend or an internet/phone hacking sexual deviant.  But thanks to a reliable source, this site will now report the unabridged truth.

 

Our source reports: “Nintendo was in a bad spot.  They just announced the ‘New’ 3DS, no one understood what it was, and all eyes were on them.  Some stockholders began mumbling about selling their shares in the Japanese video-game company.  Families across the nation were considering a boycott of the company, which is clearly not looking out for the best interest of kids, as even the brightest, tech-savvy kids do not understand why this new technology exists.  When I approached Reggie Fils-Aime, the President of Nintendo of America with a proposition, there were tears of great sadness in his eyes.  He wiped his eyes with a first-generation 3DS console , threw it directly into the trash, and asked me to sit down.  I explained my solution the best I could: ‘What is the only way to salvage a sullied household name?’  ‘A press release to further explain the goals and value of the new dev-‘ I pressed my fingers to Reggie’s lips and shushed him.  ‘You can only recover a sullied household name by dragging other household names through the dirt.’  Reggie’s eyes lit up in devious curiosity. ‘Do it,’ he said.”  From there it was simple:  Our source sought out an unnamed ex-boyfriend and paid him like $20 to leak the pictures. 

 

Speaking to one concerned mother, she claimed to be “entirely shocked when I turned on my MSN machine to read the news and look for recipes.  Who would have guessed that this woman had a naked body under those clothes?”

Speaking to my own father, I asked, “Pop, have you seen the leaked photographs of that one actress?”  He said “No,” but from the look in his eyes I could tell that he had already saved them to the hard drive of the family computer. 

Not once in the entire day of interviews did a single person mention the “New” 3DS, by name or implication.  A blistering success on the part of Nintendo of America, and a generally favorable outcome for just about everyone owning a libido.  In a final sentence to our source, who will remain unnamed until his grave, I asked “How much did Nintendo pay you for saving their business from absolute destruction?”  As my source turned to walk away, he whispered, “One Nintendo ‘New’ 3DS LL with Super Smash Brothers.”